The Many Meanings of Christmas

When one peers around during the Christmas season, one seems to find two views: a materialistic, expensive "event" or a quiet, peaceful celebration of Christ's birth.

Some folks are rushing around, carried away by the tide of Christmas buying. Despite the busy stores, people are generally happy and excited. While many people are buying their many gifts for the kids (albeit maybe begrudgingly), I believe they have a hidden kernel of the childlike enthusiasm for the holiday.

Then others eschew the Christmas rush and focus on the "reason for the season." They don't want their kids to grow up thinking that presents are expected and focus on just a few special gifts to celebrate Jesus's birth.

This year, I was particularly late in "setting up" for Christmas. My class schedule ran later than usual, we had wonderful guests visiting, and I was simply overrun with other activities. My children openly wondered if I was ever going to decorate or bake cookies.

When having a short visit with a friend, she shared part of a sermon her pastor had given about Christmas being about Jesus and not getting swept away in the trappings of the holiday. I'd heard that sentiment in the past and left her continuing to think about it.

Was I fretting over matters that didn't matter? Was I missing the reason for the season?

After thought and prayer, I decided that I was not. I'll explain why, along with our family's view about Christmas. Maybe this will help you untangle the confusing messages that seem to contradictory this time of year.

My husband and I both grew up in families that had extravagant Christmases. In the house of my youth, there were two times a year we received gifts - our birthday and Christmas. Otherwise, it was necessities only. My husband and I truly enjoy showering our kids with gifts on Christmas morning.

When I was growing up, Mom would bake cookies for a month while listening to Christmas music. I would help her when I wasn't in school and I cherished those times with her. Some of the cookies I bake to this day are those I learned working with her. When we decorated the tree, we would have the first Christmas cookies, drink eggnog, listen to Christmas music, and hear the stories of all those ornaments. Who gave us this one and who made that one? On Christmas Eve, we would make and celebrate the Polish Wigilia dinner, with pierogis and breads made and frozen months in advance.

To this day, those are my traditions. I bake with my boys. We sing and dance to Christmas music. We eat cookies, drink eggnog, and I tell my kids the stories of all our ornaments. I make sure they know that someday, they will share these stories with their children. On Christmas Eve, we enjoy the traditional, seven-course Polish dinner.

We also firmly believe that we share gifts on Christmas morning because God sent His Son for us. These are birthday gifts in honor of Christ's birth that we share with each other. We read the Bible, go to church services, relish in the beautiful Christmas songs, and generally appreciate the gift of a Savior.

Back to my friend's reminder. I finally realized that Christmas can be BOTH. I can love God and His gift...and create special traditions to celebrate the season...and give my kids tons of gifts...all without a contradictory message.

And you are free to feel the same - or different. Just know what you believe, and what's important to you, and stick with it.

What Christmas traditions to you carry on with joy?

Merry Christmas!
Andrea

Holidays and In-Laws

As my semester winds down and I find myself buried in papers to edit and grade, finale exams to prepare, and 100 students concerned about grades they should have been concerned about 10 weeks ago, I find myself pondering that in the middle of all that, I must prepare for the holidays. Thanksgiving will occur in between grading papers and final exams. Then when my exams are over, the Christmas rush will begin.

I know that my story is not unique. All of you have busy schedules, no matter how much we tell ourselves we need to slow down.

So, when this article came through my e-mail inbox, I thought I should share it here.
I hope it helps at least one family navigate those tricky in-law issues during the holidays!

As my papers slow down and final exams are created, I'll be back with more tips for communication successfully in our families.

Until then, enjoy your November!
Andrea

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, Friends!
I pray that your day has been filled with the wonder of our Lord's birth. While I've known for some time what Christmas is all about, church last night reminded me of the sacrifice that Jesus made in coming to Earth to live and die for all of us. That was clearly a reminder that I needed. I've spent my day since thinking a lot about how I can sacrifice for Jesus in the coming year.

Though we spend a lot of time teaching our children that we only celebrate Christmas because of the gift of Jesus, we believe that Santa can co-exist in that framework. So we do the "Santa thing" and open presents and eat lots of unhealthy food. Despite all that, it was a quiet day in the Scott house and I'm grateful for that. On Christmas Eve we arrived home safely from our trip to see "the Grandmas and Grandpa." While I appreciate the nice weather in Florida right now, I am tired of mosquitoes!

I've also posted a couple of book reviews over at Jamie's Precious Peas. One is actually a DVD that a friend helped me review. There are three cute Sesame Street stories about toddler life events: saying goodbye to a pacifier, getting a first haircut, and learning to ride a trike. Very cute!

I also reviewed Fit Moms for Life, a great book about getting moms in shape. I highly recommend this book for end-of-the-year reading.

More communication tips to come this week. For now, let's all enjoy the next few days as the Christmas craziness subsides.

God's best to you!
Andrea

Shared Meanings

In all relationships, meanings are formed as people interpret what they perceive and construct a sense of reality. Family meanings are developed as members interpret their behaviors through communication. For instance, my husband and I are working on telling each other what meaning we attach to certain things. For instance, last Thursday he surprised me with a Starbucks drink. This was very special to me! I told him that when he brings me "fancy" coffees unexpectedly, I feel loved and special to him. Yes, this sounds a bit stilted when I say it, but it's creating a shared meaning for us.

When behaviors are interpreted in the same way or interpretations are discussed and clarified, similar meanings emerge, and communication becomes clearer. This is our goal with trying to tell each other how we interpret various actions. As communication becomes clearer, conflict decreases and relationship satisfaction increases. THAT'S a great outcome!

Christmas is a great time to think about shared meanings and how they form. Lots of times we have certain "rituals" in our Christmas celebrations and we have a great deal of meaning attached to them...but our spouse may not. For instance, perhaps Christmas cookie baking symbolizes to you a time of shared joy as members bond during baking. Yet, your spouse may think Publix cookies are just as good and baking them is a waste of time. When you try to rally the troops to bake, your spouse may not support you. I see lots of tears and anger when efforts to bond are thwarted.  

Now is the time to talk about what the Christmas preparations  mean to you and ask what they mean to your spouse. If there is disagreement, then work through to a meaning you both can agree on. This might just bring more peace to your holidays. 

Happy Communicating~

Andrea